“Sit down, Sgt. Fullerton. Make yourself comfortable”. Capt. Stark returned her sharp salute. “You can relax, sergeant. I want this interview to be as informal as possible.”
“Yes, sir.” Brenda didn’t feel relaxed. She sat spine straight. The chair barely contained her tall body.
“I’m tape recording this interview at your expense as you requested.” The captain reached over to turn on the recorder, “So, for the record we have present Sergeant Brenda Fullerton and myself, Captain Richard Stark, as the appointed investigating officer. Sgt. Fullerton is applying for 1-O status as a conscientious objector.”
Brenda shifted nervously in her seat. She wanted this interview to be done and over. Her six years of exemplary service and numerous commendations meant nothing since her attack. A month after it happened she filed for the objector discharge.
“First of all, Sgt. Fullerton, let me say I’m very sorry to hear about your incident, your assault. Did they catch the guy?”
Brenda stared at him in disbelief. It was the captain’s turn to shift nervously in his seat.
“It wasn’t just an assault, sir,” she spat out, “he raped me. He never left the company area, sir. He’s still there in my face, everyday.” She immediately regretted her angry tone. But she was on a roll and couldn’t stop. “In fact, he’s still in charge of my section. We’re so short-handed the commander wouldn’t transfer him out.” She blinked furiously until she could see clearly again.
“That must be very uncomfortable for you, sergeant. But of course you realize that commanders have to make tough decisions for the good of the unit.”
Uncomfortable, hell, thought Brenda. Every time her attacker entered the room or passed her in the hallway she felt as if she needed a shower. She could never again turn her back on him. And she wanted so bad to slap the smirk off his face.
“I can understand that, sir. But what made it worse was the way I was treated. The CID agents tried to make me admit it was my fault. My chain of command doesn’t believe anything I said about it. He was the unit hero. Just because he was wounded in Iraq they give him a lot of slack.”
“But don’t you feel that our combat vets should be honored, Sgt. Fullerton?”
“Not if they rape you” Brenda said slowly.
Capt. Stark started to speak but thought better of it and closed his mouth. He shuffled the papers in front of him and quickly changed the subject.
“That brings us to your application for discharge, sergeant. I’ve read your answers and the several supporting statements from your family, friends and co-workers in your unit. You even have a glowing letter from your platoon leader, Lt. Sanchez. You seem to have a lot of people in your corner. What I find troubling is that, according to his interview statement, Chaplain Stevens didn’t think your beliefs were sincere or deeply held.”
Brenda’s face flushed red. She remembered the chaplain’s lecture on birth control and the rewards of keeping her knees together. He never mentioned her objection to participating in war.
“With all due respect, sir, the chaplain couldn’t find a black cat in a bowl of rice.”
Capt. Stark barely suppressed a laugh. “That may be true, Sgt. Fullerton, however his assessment of your sincerity weakens your case. And I must say that I agree with him. I don’t see how you made the leap in your application from being assaulted to not wanting to be a soldier. Those two things have nothing to do with each other. One is a personal tragedy. The other is something altogether different. War is a terrible tragedy but it’s not personal. And sometimes it can’t be prevented. It’s ugly but it has a purpose. Our armies need competent soldiers such as yourself to keep world peace and protect our freedoms.”
“I don’t argue that point, sir. I don’t have control over who goes to war or where or why we go to war. I just know that I cannot be a part of it any longer. For me the war is over.”
“I don’t understand, sergeant. Explain yourself.”
“Well, sir, after I was raped I was an emotional wreck. The chaplain was obviously no help. The psychiatrist spent all of ten minutes talking to me. I had too much time to think and cry about it. And what I realized one night in a moment of clarity was that what happened to me is what happens to other men, women and children in war. Citizens or soldiers, it doesn’t matter. War is extreme violence that violates our humanness. War is to keeping peace like rape is to making love. No matter the intention of the act, either way it forever changes the people it touches. And not for the positive. Those people are never the same. I’ll never be the same again. The soldiers who feel they’re doing the right thing will never admit to causing pain. They use slogans and say things like, ‘I’m fighting for my county’ without making the connection between their acts and the death and destruction they cause.
Well, sir, I finally made the connection. It cost me. It hurt me. But it took that violence against me to wake me up and realize that I’m also guilty of rape. As long as I wear this uniform I’m guilty of supporting the death and destruction that’s supposed to be our job.”
The silence of sorrow filled the interview room. Capt. Stark finally cleared his throat and spoke.
“So where does your God fit in with all of this? Do you believe in God?”
“I don’t know, sir. For a long time I felt that God left me. I don’t go to church and I haven’t read the Bible since grade school so I can’t quote you any scripture. But I truly believe He spoke to me that night I spent on my knees praying for Him to take away the pain. He split my insides open and showed me what war really means.”
Brenda broke down and cried. Her sobs were so loud an officer passing in the hallway stuck his head in the door to find out what was going on. Captain Stark silently waved him away.
“Sergeant. I understand clearly that what you went through was a tragic enough event. But you can’t judge the entire American military on the heinous act of a single soldier. I’m sorry but I’m not convinced your argument is valid. I’m going to recommend that your application be denied. After you receive my report you’ll have several days to submit a rebuttal. Do you understand, sergeant?”
Brenda nodded but could no longer see the captain through her tears. He pushed a box of tissue toward her. She didn’t take one. She didn’t wait to be dismissed or even salute as she left the room. Captain Stark decided not to mention it. Poor girl, he thought, as he filed his papers away in his briefcase.
EPILOGUE: Sergeant Brenda Fullerton submitted a rebuttal to Captain Stark’s denial recommendation. The approving Judge Advocate overturned his recommendation. Brenda Fullerton was discharged honorably with full benefits.